Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
