how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
