she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we should paint friendship bongs
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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