No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
