Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
