trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
