guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
