Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
