drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
