Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
