I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
