everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
