she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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