Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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