you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
