As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he quoted the bible to break up with me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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