I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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