dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
