My underwear smells like fireworks.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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