I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
