Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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