soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
