I want to stick my p in your. b.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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