Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
