69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
