i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
