my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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