just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
