mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
