theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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