my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
