college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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