I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
