I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
