there's paper in my vomit.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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