I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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