Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
