I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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