i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I AM VODKA MAN
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
