I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
