Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
