I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
