yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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