They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
