at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
