Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
