yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
