i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
