Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
