if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize