not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
