Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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