If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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