8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
