Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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