Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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