OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
