i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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