Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
