I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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