I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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