So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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