hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
