Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
