The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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