Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
