This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
