Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
