VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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