Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
