I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
