My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
