this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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