So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
