I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
