I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
