I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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