Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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