If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
